It wasn’t until recently that I realised I was an ambivert and honestly it’s answered a lot of questions since I realised this was an actual thing.
Some days I love going out and socialising and other days I just want a good date with my coffee and Netflix.
Clubbing has always been a difficult one for me. Quite often once I’m out there I enjoy myself but I’m always very aware and a little uncomfortable. I also have a fear of the unknown and losing control of a situation.
If the social event was a pub, the fear of losing control is not something that necessarily bothers me. I somehow know that in a pub environment, I won’t lose control.
The thought of going to a club makes me incredibly anxious. When I was at university, it felt like an obligation because that’s what students do, right?
There were many occasions I declined nights out because I just did not like clubbing.
It’s like forcing someone to go to a coffee shop and drinking only coffee when they don’t like coffee. I’d take my friend somewhere else if they didn’t enjoy it.
In the past I have followed a set of rules that I will go out for a friend’s birthday. I still very much don’t want to be there (despite wanting to be there for friends) but it has often made me look quite flakey and like a bad friend.
There are several reasons why I don’t enjoy clubbing and the more I write the more negative memories pop into my head.
Me in 2014 just before I was offered a drink which I turned down politely and was called ‘fridgid’ for saying ‘no, thank you’ – I shouldn’t have to explain that I just want a night out with my friends hassle-free. P.s yes that is my eyeliner all over my face.
I can’t hear myself think, I can’t even hear my friends close by. It makes everything feel distorted and I think it’s a large contributer to feeling ‘drunk’ despite not drinking much. Not to mention the next day when all you can hear is a ringing in your ears.
Flashing lights paired with the loud music just makes me feel like I’m in a trippy 90’s film about drugs.
But it’s not just about the bright lights, it’s also about the dim lighting and feeling paranoid that someone so easily could steal a phone, purse, passport etc.
This picture is an accurate representation of what my head feels like when I’m in a club. It can be quite nauseating.
Okay, I’ve met some great people on a night out and they’ve turned the night around on occasion but I’ve also been groped, shoved, slapped and had my hair pulled all by strangers.
Without going into too much detail, I have had someone swoop up behind me and attempt to sexually assault me. However due to the lighting, I would never know who tried to do it.
Even without these sorts it people, I would still prefer a night in a cosy pub with good beer, good friends and a packet of cheese and onion.
I’ve had to struggle to get friends home before because they’re not able to walk. It can be quite daunting trying to make sure friends get to bed safely and quite often it goes further than just getting them home. What if they’re sick? Are they conscious enough to turn themselves over?
In the past I haven’t slept or I’ve slept on the floor of a friends room to make sure they’re okay. It’s a worry that very few enjoy dealing with.
On the other hand, I have been the friend that’s been out of control before and it’s unfair to put pressure on other people to ensure your safety.
I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been called ‘boring’ for not going clubbing. The pressure as a young adult to go out clubbing can be unbearable.
I’ve had people I used to call ‘friends’ screaming in my face ‘BORING!!!!’ and my least favourite… ‘What’s wrong with you?’
There’s nothing wrong with me, this just isn’t my idea of fun. I also find crowds of people totally overwhelming and it’s just a whole anxiety induced nightmare.
‘Aged between 18 and 30? You should be out partying in the clubs!’ this isn’t just pressure from other young people. It’s amazing how many older generations will tell you that you should be out partying at the weekend.
Since when did clubbing become some sort of right of passage?
I don’t go out every weekend and spend my money on drinks I can’t remember drinking and wasting a whole Sunday feeling sorry for my self-inflicted hangover.
Dont get me wrong, I’ve woken up with a heavy head and sat in bed talking about the night before. I’ve done it. I’ve worn the t-shirt more than enough times but it has to stop being used as a social event that all young people ‘should’ be doing.
If clubbing is something you enjoy doing, that’s great. I don’t write this post to put down people who enjoy it, it’s a very much each to their own situation HOWEVER, I just don’t condone the judgements that many people have to endure when at college or university just because clubbing is not their scene.
A simple ‘If you change your mind you know where we are. Have a good evening!’ is all that is needed.
What are your clubbing experiences? How do you feel towards clubs? Tell me what you think!